The following transcribed from Lord Greyjoy's maester:
But now the rains weep o’er his hall,
With no one there to hear.
Yes now the rains weep o’er his hall,
And not a soul to hear.
It is with a heavy heart that I must report the demise of House Baratheon. Once the rulers of Westeros, the Baratheon family has been extinguished from existence. King Robert could beat anyone with his Warhammer, but his love of wine was the cause of his demise. Minstrels sing of his drunken exploits with the Dornish Red (and many Dornish redheads, as well), but he was not a man who could hold his drink. At the Tournament of the Hand, he once pissed himself before the damn joust could start. Finally taken down by a wild boar, his death was the beginning of the downfall of the Baratheon line. King Robert was not a strategician, preferring to win battles by sheer might. Once he became king, his army was turned over to Ser Anderson the Glorious, Ser McCown the Not Quite Glorious, and Ser Beat Hard the Not-At-All Glorious. These sycophants got fat and happy in the larder of Storm’s End, but were ill-prepared for the battles to come.
To the west, the white hedgehogs of House Wode, led by Lord Ronjeramie, have been wiped from existence. House Wode was a minor house in the Riverlands, and how they are even less than that. However, there were two battles of note for these fallen knights; they secured a minor victory over House Egen in the Battle of the Sad Sacks, and led a surprising sneak attack against the reavers of the Iron Islands. The seat of House Wode has been transferred to a lesser house who proved to be more loyal to the crown.
Winter has come to Westeros
“MOTHERFUCKING ICE DRAGONS!” – Ser Samwellel Jaxon
Winter has come to Westeros. The Wall has been destroyed, the Night’s King has marched south, and
all of the Seven Kingdoms have trembled in despair. Houses great and small put their past transgressions aside and banded together to battle this threat. Bastards fought next to kings, priests fought next to whores, Maesters fought next to whores, and whores fought next to knights. There’s a lot of whores in Westeros. As the fields and farmlands from the Trident to Highgarden turned to frozen tundra, the army of the dead marched south, intent on ending the eternal fight between life and death. In their darkest hour, the armies of twelve of the mightiest houses fought valiantly and turned the tide of battle. The Night’s King was defeated, he was last seen fleeing north of the remnants of the Wall, into the lands of Always Winter. Having secured the victory in the name of life, humans did what humans always will do. They bickered and squabbled and told lies, each vying for control of the remains of the kingdom. However, each of these armies had been laid almost entirely to waste, so their leaders decided to award the Iron Throne in a series of melee battles, eight men on a side, fought to the death.
The four most distinguished of the twelve armies were allowed to rest their soldiers. The armies employed by the Iron Bank, the greenseers of the Children of the Forest, and the ordained knights of houses Banefort and Forrester each earned the right to ride back home and defend their keeps in uture battles.
The battles begin forthwith!
Free Folk vs House Greyjoy (at Pyke Coliseum)
Led by Tormund Giantsbane, the Free Folk do not kneel to any Southron lord.
Led by Euron Greyjoy, the Iron Born do not kneel to anyone.
The Free Folk are not a seafaring people, but they will fight anyone, anywhere if they believe that the
cause is just. In the Battle Against The Dead, the Greyjoys scrapped and clawed their way along, but
they also were responsible for killing many of their own side in petty arguments. There is no love lost between these two armies, even though they have never met each other in the field of battle. The army of Free Folk is larger and fiercer, but the Greyjoy army is cunning and deceitful.
House Royce vs House Hardyng (at Hardyng Hall)
They say familiarity breeds contempt, and these two houses have plenty of both. Royce, the old hand, is already experienced in the battles for the Iron Throne. House Hardyng swept in and collected allegiance from the army of House Arryn after the death of poor Sweet Robyn. These two armies have fought each other four times, with House Royce winning three of these previous battles. However, House Hardyng was victorious in the most recent melee. “Remember The Eyrie” is the battle cry of the Hardyng army, and they are fighting not just for pride, but to avenge the death of their beloved Lord Jon Arryn. Unfortunately for Hoyce Royce, his greatest knight Ser Elliot sits in the dungeon of High Priest Goodell, and will not be released from his bondage for another fortnight. Ser Hardyng has received sub-par leadership from his anointed warrior priest, Ser Dascott. His flaming sword has failed him in recent battles, when he has been separated from his brothers and forced to fight alone. Fortunately, Ser Wilson the Miniscule has been mighty, speeding through armies and decimating them singlehandedly.
House Lannister vs House Targaryen (at Stormlands Stadium)
These two titans of Westeros have been in an uneasy alliance for far too long. Both of these great houses have tremendous histories and their exploits will be sung for centuries. The armies allied with these houses were involved in a minor skirmish previously, and cries of “A Lannister always pays their debts” have been haunting the nightmares of Storm’s End ever since. House Targaryen has the advantage of defending their homelands and that may turn out to be the advantage that turns the tide of this battle, especially since Ser Crabtree has been summoned to pay a penance to the High Priest for previous acts of heinousness and will be unavailable to fight for House Lannister
Sneaky Sand Snakes vs House Tyrell (at Madison Square Highgarden)
The Tyrells and the Martells have been feuding with each other since Robert’s Rebellion, and this
animosity has finally boiled over into open warfare. The Sand Snakes are “wanting war”, and they are going to get one. Riding giant sand worms, they have taken the remnants of Prince Doran Martell’s army north to lay siege to Highgarden. Lord Mace Tyrell is the most experienced field general in Westeros, having directly fought the Night’s King (and losing), and then reforming the army of Westeros in a last-ditch effort to save humanity. The Sand Snakes are riding high after an earlier victory against Ser Loras Tyrell, but the son is not as experienced as the father. This battle is certain to be tremendous with two very strong armies squaring off against one another.
